What Love Isn't

We go through life seeking love. It’s what our parents taught us and what we saw in movies. That love is some sort of magical escape that will free us from all life’s pains.

As I grow older, I find this to be the farthest from the truth. I found that love exists in all my connections and relationships, whether it’s my partner, my family, or my friends. I’ve learned what love is by learning what love isn’t.

Love allows you to breathe, it softly opens up to you when you make mistakes. Love is that feeling of warmth that exists within us when we’ve learned how to reframe loneliness into solitude. I believe the reason why there is so much unhappiness in the world is because we use this pretense of chasing romantic love as a means to live. Love was never anywhere else outside of ourselves.

Love is knowing that you are going to make mistakes and loving yourself anyway. Love is giving the space to be yourself while also challenging yourself to try your best. We think love is about proving ourselves or always doing the right thing, but rather it’s about acceptance. It’s about accepting all of you — the ugly parts of us that we try so hard to hide.

Love doesn’t suddenly appear once you’ve accomplished a certain milestone, such as having your dream career or lover or having achieved all your goals. It’s about loving yourself in between. Those darker moments when you are ashamed of how you acted or regret the things you’ve done. That is where the work lies. That is where all the love you tried to earn or seek externally was meant to be channeled into.

When you love yourself for all that you are, the past and the present, you blossom into this beautiful human being that is full of love. You will have a type of love that can no longer be taken away from you. You will carry a calm aura, one that is strong yet gentle, that will carry you through challenges whether it’s a death of a family member, loss of friendship, or a breakup. Love has always existed and that will always be yours to keep.

All this time I had thought love was about finding the right person, when it was more about being the right person. And eventually when that happens, when you are so full of love, you are destined to cross paths with those who reflect back even more of the love that you already are.