A Love Like the Ocean

A Love Like the Ocean

ONE YEAR AGO

you remind me of the ocean. it feels familiar, yet distant. its depth I don’t quite understand. I want to embrace it but I fear its power. I used to swim its waters fearlessly. but after drowning in it, I stopped. how do I learn to trust the water again? how does one forget the pain of drowning? when you were swimming happily and the person you thought would save you, let you go.

I’ve been on my own for so long that it’s hard to imagine relying on anyone else but myself. I seek deep connection and intimacy, but I also deeply fear being disappointed. I’m independent to a fault – only because being closed off was easier than being let down. 

my flaw was loving others too deeply, before giving this love to myself first. over the years I’ve taken this precious time to rebuild my anchor within, but it doesn’t stop me from wondering what is underneath the ocean’s mysterious shadows.

the ocean is strong enough to pull my heart into its chaotic current, yet powerful enough to push me above water to breathe freely.  I still don’t know where these waters will take me, but I know my heart as my compass and my soul as my anchor will dock when it feels safe to explore. 

as I watched the storm pass over the sea, I sensed a stillness and calm. the waves were still crashing, but rolling in like a beautiful melody. the ocean finally felt peaceful, as if you were holding the space for me to adventure freely with you.