The Strength of Surrender

the strength of surrender.

I deactivated my social media accounts after catching myself getting trapped into unhealthy patterns. I wanted space for clarity. I wanted to dig deeper to better understand myself and my intentions.

If Instagram was my primary form of artistic expression, then why was I spending an unusual amount of time carefully crafting posts and pictures? If time was my most valuable asset, then why wasn’t I more intentional with my free time? What were my subconscious motives? Was I truly posting for the love of artistic expression or for the desire of feeling valued?

After months of inner work, I finally learned how to detach my value from my accomplishments and how to accept my intrinsic value as a human being. Like many other first generation Asian-Americans, our parents constantly pushed their desires and expectations onto us, often demanding that we pursue jobs as lawyers, engineers, accountants, or doctors. We’ve been conditioned to believe our value is directly correlated to our career and our income. This way of thought is rooted from our families craving stability after risking a life of certainty in Asia in exchange for the opportunity to experience financial freedom in the states.

Yet instead of leaning into my internal struggles with my sense of value, I shrugged them off in effort to maintain a facade of unconditional strength. What I needed the most was to simply accept the present and who I am, not who I once was or who I might be one day.

By admitting to my inner battles, I was finally able to let go of my ego that was holding onto what I thought I should be instead of who I was. It’s a daily practice to disconnect my identity from my thoughts, ideas, and beliefs in effort to view every situation more objectively. This allows me to think more critically instead of letting my emotions get in the way of reasoning.

I’ve also learned that surrendering isn’t about weakness, and strength isn’t necessarily about not needing help: it’s about understanding your natural limitations and recognizing strengths in others. It’s about finding grace in every situation, fighting the resistance to change, and acting from a place of integrity, compassion, and authenticity every step of the way.