Embracing my inner child

REMEMBERING THE BEAUTY OF NAÏVETÉ

When I was a little girl, my father took me to the Sanrio stationery store every year. My eyes glimmered as I squished cute plush toys, and my imagination whirled as I drew with pencils on Hello Kitty-themed paper. I remember it vividly because it was a time in my life where joy was all that mattered and a time in my life when I could simply be.

As I grew older, I would remember this feeling whenever I passed by a stationery store—the feeling of lightness and joy, often forgotten by many adults. I went to Niconeko Zakkaya with a friend today, and it reminded of the beauty of naïveté. The idealistic curiousity of a child that we all once had. Where did it go? Does it disappear slowly as we become adults? Or does that spirit always live on with us?

I believe it continues to live on, but the world hardens us to believe otherwise. Society speaks to us about practicality and productivity. But what if we didn’t have to focus on getting things done? What if we simply allowed ourselves to be?

As I relished in the softness of letting my inner child roam, I felt this release of tension that has been building up inside me for so long.

Why was I trying so damn hard to prove myself on this earth? How was this fair to my younger self to push myself into doing what made sense in the mind rather than the heart?

As an American-born child of Filipino immigrants, all our Asian parents wanted for us is to live a life of safety, stability, and security. Yet it’s at the expense of our innermost desires. What if we didn’t want to be a doctor, lawyer, or engineer? What if all we wanted was to be more than our job and have a safe space to be who we really are?

While I recognize my privilege of having a life of opportunity in the states that was different from my parents, I also want to validate the complexity of my emotions and extend grace to my personal lived experience.

Who would I be if I was allowed to just be me? After years of mindless corporate ladder climbing, I’m finally at peace with my true self and who I am outside of what I do.

I haven’t figured out what my next calling is, but I know I’m in the right direction. I’m allowing my inner child to explore and see where my heart takes me. I’ve always been the overly ambitious girl with a plan, and uncertainty has always frightened me. But something tells me that this is exactly what I need right now — So, cheers to the adventure we call life.